pomes

I've joys so bright they burst the skin
(It's there to keep my feelings in)
Halfway up a tree, I hold
A branch with fingers white with cold
Sandals slipping down the bark
Into dirt that's damp and dark
On every scratch of soil, my feet
Greet the earth they've jumped to meet
And eyes that squint against the sun
Breaths tearing through me while I run -

Or (cold again) the silken sea
Waves and foam and moving free
Water sliding over skin
(It's there to let the feelings in)
Toes go testing for the sand
Between the ocean and the land
Face to the sky, hair floating behind
Feet reaching down to see what I can find
And the shade of a currach helps me to hide
Breaths echoing loud on the tarry side.

This is the life where I'm sitting
at two in the morning with a laptop
in a house full of colour and people
in a town full of colour and people
but in my other life I'm living near the sea
hundreds of yards between the houses
wild walks with wet wind whipping
and not a soul to be seen for those who see the souls of those they see on the road
and my children cycle past me on their way to things I know nothing about
secret adventures with other children or dens or the old gods of the seaweed and the brown rockpools
and in my other life I'm working on a farm
with communal harvest and children in wet jumpers heaving potatoes out of the dirt
and my hands on the garden fork are covered in paint from my studio but that's ok
everyone gets covered in paint in a life like this

But those lives are with other people
And the people in my life are in this life
Which is not like anything I planned in my teens
Except that one time I shaved my head
And I sometimes do have wine with dinner like a sophisticated grownup
Even if I drink it out of a juice glass.

What have we now but kindness
To give each other strength?

do not politicise these deaths
It is not public, bleeding on the street
In daylight among books or dancing's heat
Blood bubbles apolitical last breaths
Do not politicise the hate
That leads the men to take up arms and kill
The passionate debasement of free will
That kills the young too early, now the Late
Politics is distant schemes and power
Wafting through the air - we all draw breath
We're born and live with politics 'til death 
We're lucky if it's distant in that hour.
"Do not politicise a death" but know
People kill  for politics, even so.

Eggs come in dozens, half-dozens, and scores
Egg-juice spread gloopily over the floor
Rainwater measured in bottles and jars
Snow-depths compared on the footpaths and cars

Five was an age where the science was quieter
Strange facts appeared at odd times of the day
Dancing was wilder and laughter was louder
Games came with puzzles the avatars played

Now puns are more complex and mealtimes less messy
Almost taller than I am, hair flying loose
Surprising and sulking and scruffy and dressy
This giant of a child once squeezed eggs for their juice

If something is exciting, ta-tap
Or too difficult to speak about, ta-tap
If the sky is very sunny or a joke is very funny
Or a much is very very much, ta-tap!

The bravery of children
astounds me
They take off their sandals and walk
Over the rocks and into the sea and
Jump back from each breaking wave and then walk deeper
They stand
Up in court or sit down for a video camera
And say the thing they've promised never to tell and
Then they say it again and again to other
Strangers
And they go back to school the day after detention
Or the day before the exam
And they keep going
Little children
Big children
Picking up spiders and
Telling the teacher it was them who was talking and
Refusing to shoplift and
Getting a pal to hospital to have their stomach pumped and
Wearing second-hand wrong clothes to the school disco
And pretending they're not homeless for a year and
They never stop

Become invisible
Then they can't see
What to shout
Stay silent and
There's nothing to mimic
Put your light
Out

Wait
What if this is the wrong thing
The wrong word to put down
What if I choose the wrong way
Go wrong

Hold on a minute
Give me time
I want to make sure I'm getting it right
What if I hold the wrong minute
What if I give the wrong answer
Or one that is incomplete
Or too long
Or too simple
Or what if what I say is completely incomprehensible because I've overthought it
Wait

In my head I know what it ought to be
I can see
Almost see
Give me a sec
Just a minute
I can get this if
But
If it's wrong what then

I put it down
No
That's almost right but not
Quite
Erase it
OK
Start over
But
If

The turkeys have voted for Xmas
They're hoping you all get the goose
The pigs are still saving their bacon
by putting our necks in the noose