Four or five steps and she's walking
She knows what she's doing, she's sure
She stumbles and falls, but she knows where she's going
And my heart

Fat baby hands are pulling at my buttons
Fat baby hands are cold upon my skin
Fat baby hands are burrowing in my clothes
Fat baby hands are shouting "Hungry! Let me in!"

Hold your hand out flat, and then fold your fingers up -
This means Milk, and Milk means Grub.
Lean a long way over and point a baby finger -
This means "That! You've got my dinner!"

Warm baby mouth is trying to suck a bra-strap
Warm baby mouth could get blood from a bone
Warm baby mouth has sharp baby teeth in
Warm baby mouth proving "This is mine alone."

Try not to squeeze her, because she's just a baby
Try not to hug her until she just goes POP
Try not to shout out how very much you love her
Try not to think about the day breastfeeding stops.
Her bottom is pink and her toes are red,
We've washed all the vegetables off of her head,
And now she is getting ready for bed -
O what a beautiful girl!
I woke up early for breakfast
And woke up for breakfast again
And downstairs once more I had breakfast
From Daddy with spoons - oh, and then
I went for a push in my pushchair,
And saw Daddy off on the way,
And made friends while Mammy bought dinner -
That's the first thing that I did today.

I climbed up some steps in the cafe
And charmed a young man off his chair
And I screamed when my mum changed my nappy -
I think that was all I did there.
While Mammy walked home, I was sleeping
And I slept all the long, boring way
Because I had to conserve my resources
For the fun I intended, today.

I woke up again at my lunchtime.
And Mammy thought it would be nice -
To start of with milk, before solids,
And peaches, so I had lunch twice.
Afterwards I had a rampage,
A cavort, a maraud, and a play,
Then Mammy brought boxes of new things,
So this was my new thing, today:

They didn't seem terribly tasty
And they didn't make very much noise
If I rubbed them on paper, the colours
Seemed to suggest they were toys.
I managed to bite a big lump off,
So Mammy took that one away.
But I was sitting up in my highchair -
I learned about Drawing today!

I watched at the window for Daddy.
He comes home after it gets dark
And I like to watch at the window
As much as the swings in the park.
I grinned and I beat on my Mammy
When Daddy made it home ok,
And I got big hugging and playing
After Daddy came back home today.

Mammy seemed terribly tired
Though I'm sure I don't understand why -
I feel social, relaxed, and quite lively
So I thought she might wake, to a cry.
I played dinner with Daddy, like always,
And then in the bath made great play
Of washing the walls and the ceiling -
They got very well washed, today.

Before bedtime, they both got quite manic -
It made me quite tired to see
But they did it just for my amusement
With puppets and tickles and glee.
I had a last feed from my Mammy
And then Daddy took me away
To fall asleep rocked on his shoulder -
And that's all that I did today.
Sleeping with breaths almost too soft to hear
And tugging at teething pains in her ear
Or standing and bouncing, her legses splayed wide
With a toy in each hand and a hand at each side
Or kneeling, feet folded so neatly beneath,
Or chomping the toothpaste as I brush her teeth -
She's exhuberant, charming, relaxing, and sweet,
And if I had her energy I'd . . .
                                         I'd . . .
                                              I'd sleep.
She rises high in triumph
Her banner held aloft -
A nice piece of banana
Moist and somewhat soft.

She declaims to the cutlery
Makes speeches at the spoons
And informs both parents calmly
That we are amusing loons.

Her pose is so majestic,
Her manner so grown up,
That we can't believe she's only
A mucky, mucky pup.


Dec. 28th, 2004 08:37 pm
Suckle the air, little baby,
Suckle the sky -
And when there's no milk, little baby,
Wake up and cry.
This is the six-o'clock a-dah! A-dah!
Sounds of toys collapsing Go! Dada!
In the House of Commons, this afternoon,
With seven Dadadadadada! Da! Goo! Thah!

Because of the civil war
Sounds of paper shredding all women.
Unless absolutely necessary, citizens are asked
A-dah! Goo gaga! Dooo! Ugh ugh ugh.
In the middle of the night
If I call to her just right
Mammy feeds me, just for fun,
And loves me when the feeding's done,
And we play at patting faces
And at baby girl embraces
And at smiling at each other -
I grin for smiling from my mother -
And at last she makes me rest
Because it's really for the best
But secretly, she'd rather play
If she wasn't sensible today.


Dec. 1st, 2004 09:48 pm
Pureed anything
What's this? Should I hit it or squash it?
What's this? Do you think it's a toy?
Perhaps I can drink it or splash it -
Anyway, I can enjoy.

What's this? Is it dinner or breakfast?
What's this? Is it what they call rain?
Maybe it's making my mouth fresh -
I wish they would do it again!

A cloth book
What's this? It's not much good for teething.
What's this? It feels very like clothes.
Maybe it's useful for breathing;
I can't get it all up my nose.
When you stand up in the bath
And hold on to the side
It's better not to jump too much
Lest the floor should slide

Remember that the water's wet
And you should be breathing air
So when you try to lick the plug
Please take a little care

The non-slip fish that line the base
Are there for your protection
They're not for eating, or for toys
Though they make good decoration

The biggest toys you have in there
Are parents, brave and true,
Reaching wildly through the waves
To catch a hold of you
Straight back
Straight feet
Straight neck
Straight toes

Round arms
Round cheeks
Round legs
Round nose

Warm hands
Warm skin
Warm cuddle
Baby's in
My little baby has standy-up legs
My little baby has bendy knees
My little baby has a wobbly bottom
Does your little baby have these?

Who's a munchkin, baby bunchkin?
Who's a baba, baba boo?
Who's a little cuddle lumpkin?
I think I think it's you!

One, two, baba boo!
Three, four, we love you more!
Five, six, you're full of tricks!
Seven, eight, and aren't you great!
Nine, ten, start again!

Who's a lucky mucky puppy?
Who's a lucky baba boo?
Who's a lucky darling ducky?
I think I think it's you!

(Ed: these are inexhaustible, as far as we can tell, but the most popular is the first.)
Let me wipe your little nose,
And rub your little chest.
You can wipe it on my clothes,
I'm sure baby knows best.

Let me give you medicine
To cool your fever off,
Or maybe let me duck the spray
As it's spattered by a cough.

Let me rock you, crooning gently,
As your cries rock the street
And I grow frailer ment'ly
With every aching beat.

Let me hold you in my arms
As your nose and eyes are runny
So the smears of grime run down your face
And all across my tummy -

Let me feed you milk and water
Lest you dehydrate,
And let me clear your nose, my daughter,
In case you suffocate.

Let me cough myself but duck
So's not to cough on you
And let me sneeze and wheeze and blow my nose
From three am to two -

But let me first try menthol
On a hankie near your bed
So that maybe you can sleep it off,
This cold of chest and head.

Let me nurse you through this cold
And make you good and better,
Then I'll be ill in my own time
And we'll hope for better weather.
When I wake up there's a Daddy,
And then there's a Mammy too
And then there's a feed and a cuddle
And lots to see and do

But first I have my breakfast
All over the kitchen chairs
And then I have my face washed
And my ears, and my hands, and my hair

And then they clean my chair up
And because I'm soaked right through
They take all of my clothes off
(Then there's lots to see and do!)

I have a roundy rattle
I can hit it on the shelf
And I have a set of building blocks
That I use to hit myself

There's a baby in the mirror
And my plastic cups are blue
And I still have my very own building blocks -
There's lots to see and do.

I have a set of fences
So that I can stand
And walk around the room
Hand over hand over hand

I climb on piles of cushions
And up on people too
Mammy sits on the floor for me
There's lots to see and do

I sit beside the window
And stare up at the sky
And if I'm lucky there's a pussy
Sometimes passing by

When I wake up there's a morning
All clean, unused and new
Waiting for me to fill it
With lots to see and do
Look at me, look at me -
That little baby is looking at me!
Look at me, look at me -
That baby's mother is looking at me!

It's funny how that mother
Looks so much like mine
And that silly baby
Mocks me all the time!

Look at me, look at me -
That little baby is looking at me!
Look at me, look at me -
That baby's mother is looking at me!

There's a mammy in the mirror
Smiling big and wide
And every time I turn around
My mammy's at my side

Look at me, look at me -
That little baby is looking at me!
Look at me, look at me -
That baby's mother is looking at me!

The baby in the dining room
Is held up by her mum
And the baby in the lift at Boots
Is sitting on her bum

Look at me, look at me -
That little baby is looking at me!
Look at me, look at me -
That baby's mother is looking at me!

We play at peek-a-boo. Boo!
And when I laugh she laughs
So we share a sense of humour
But I'm her cuter half.
I'm going that way
With my bottom waving free
I've got the nappy off at last
You can't catch me!

I'm going that way
There's something bright to see
I think it might be breakable
You can't catch me!

I'm going that way
I need to do a wee
This carpet's nice and comfterble
You can't catch me!

I'm going that way
You can only see my feet
There's freedom 'round the corner -
You can't catch me!
Come here, pussycat, I want to explore you.
Come here, kittycat, don't creep away!
Come here, pussycat, I really adore you -
And I bet I can get both your eyes out today.

Come here, pussycat, your fur is so stroky.
Come here, kittycat, so I can get a good grip.
Come here, pussycat, your tummy's so pokey -
Ooh, when you run away, your fur starts to rip!

Come BACK, pussyCAT, I LOVE you, I LOVE you!
Come BACK, kittyCAT I just want to PLAY!
Come BACK, pussyCAT, I think you're GORGEOUS -
Mama, the pussy cat done run AWAY!
Don't munch on the armchair, my plumpkin.
Don't nibble the sofa, I pray!
I'm sure we can excavate something
Hygienic to teethe on today --
Don't touch! Ah-ah, darling, that's dirty!
No, no, that's a very yuck toy!
Yes, I'm sure - yes, it's perfectly lovely,
But unsuitable food for a boy!

This rattle, I think, may be cleaner,
Or how about this rubber ring?
The other mums say I'm a dreamer,
But it's early days yet to give in.
Ickle diddums! Take it out of your mouthie!
Now give it to mama - ta-ta!
It's a piece of the old bathroom grouting...
No! Nasty! Dirty! Ah-ah!

I'm pretty sure this one is sterile -
I washed it myself just last week.
The bacteria aren't that virile;
They're turning their third "other cheek".
Just lunch on the mud, little lady;
We'll breakfast on spiders and slugs
Because no-one can convince a baby
That it ought to cavil at a bug.
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