Quick update

Jun. 24th, 2017 10:50 am
serene: mailbox (Default)
[personal profile] serene
My sister died yesterday, a few minutes after Munchkin The Elder left to pick up his father from the doctor. She died while being given CPR, which strikes me as a violent kind of way to go, but she had been unconscious for hours at the time, so I doubt she felt anything.

Today, James and I will go to the hospital to fetch her belongings. Monday, the social worker will contact me about arrangements for her disposition.

The kids are fine. James and I are fine. My mom is alternately fine and wrecked, which will probably be the way of things for a while.

We lost her a long, long time ago. There's some finality in the past day's events, but not much has changed.

Munchkin the Younger came up yesterday to check in, to tell me that I am her real mother, and to get comfort in talking to someone who understands not having any emotion left for the person we lost all those years ago.

I'm sorry there was no way for us to reach her. I'm sorry her life was sad and hard, and that she caused so much damage in our family.

My sister

Jun. 23rd, 2017 01:18 pm
serene: serene (ooh)
[personal profile] serene
If you and I are close, you probably remember first hearing about my sister and being kind of surprised that my feelings for her range from deep apathy (almost all the time) to raging anger/hatred (during any of the crises in my family that she caused or precipitated over the years). Mostly, once the kids I helped raise were 18, she hasn't affected my life in any direct, practical way, but her fingers are in most of the shitty turns my family's lives have taken, for as long as I can remember.

She's in ICU right now, unlikely to regain consciousness, unlikely to live out this day, and I'm sorry that she had such a mean, small, painful life, but I'm not at all sorry that she'll be gone, because it's hard to cause fresh hurt and injury once you've died. Not impossible, but hard.

I'll go with my mom this evening so she can say good-bye. For myself, I don't find it necessary; Barbara's been out of my life since my kid turned 18 (gosh, almost 8 years ago), and for the last couple years, she was in prison, so there's nothing to say good-bye to. For my mom, this is so so so fraught. She blames herself for my sister's mental illness, dissipation, and alienation. She feels like if she'd been a better mother, it would have gone better.

Honestly, my mom was a better mother to my sister than to me -- children who act up often get more attention and effort than the compliant, goody-two-shoes ones. I haven't made any secret of my sorrow over my mother's mistakes in parenting, but they're not the reason my sister is who she is. Not saying none of it was ever a factor. Just that picking one person as the cause of another's bad deeds is pretty much never the way to bet.

Anyway, I'm totally fine, emotionally. I'm just feeling pensive about the ripple effects we all have on the people in our circles, even years after we have any contact at all, and I'm feeling a renewed desire to be a positive force in my loved one's lives, instead of a negative one.

Musical: Come From Away

Jun. 18th, 2017 12:52 am
ruthi: a photograph of a dormouse eating a berry (Default)
[personal profile] ruthi
This weekend [tumblr.com profile] fahye mentioned Come From Away, which is a musical.


It's about the town of Gander in Newfoundland, and about how the people there welcomed the nearly 7000 people who were stranded there in the aftermath of the September 11th 2001 attacks. "It's not a 9/11 musical, it's a 9/12 musical" the writers have said in an interview. There is a big airport near the town, and 38 planes were diverted to land there after USA closed its airspace.

The cast performed the opening number at this year's Tony awards, and it is on youtube: Welcome to the Rock.

The other song it was easy to find - and stands well on its own - is about a woman who was piloting an American Airlines Boeing 777 and landed in Gander on 9/11. She was the first female Captain in America. Me and the Sky.
And it's based on a real woman, and she has attended the musical a lot, and brought tens of women pilots with her to see it, too.

So I listened to the entire soundtrack on Spotify, and it's about people coming together and being kind to strangers, and people being stressed and getting through this stressful situation. And I got so much catharsis and I cried a lot, in a really satisfying way.

So now you know about it, and if you like musicals and people doing the work of being kind, you might want to seek it out.
firecat: red panda looking happy (Default)
[personal profile] firecat
The Nolose board is looking for expert advice in making a plan for our organization to work more effectively for trans justice and address transmisogyny and cissexism in Nolose. The board is looking for a group of thick and fat trans folks, especially trans women and transfeminine people, especially people of color, especially folks with some experience either with Nolose specifically or with transmisogyny in queer fat community/movement spaces, to meet via conference call and/or group chat to generate formal recommendations for the Nolose board to address transmisogyny and cissexism, and work for trans justice, as an organization.
Nolose has budgeted for stipends of up to $250.
Application details at link.

Wonder Woman

Jun. 15th, 2017 03:24 pm
firecat: red panda looking happy (Default)
[personal profile] firecat
Not a review, just a couple of reactions and a list of subverted tropes.

I liked it quite a bit.
Spoilers ho )

(no subject)

Jun. 12th, 2017 06:30 pm
ruthi: it looks like fireworks  (ooh shiny)
[personal profile] ruthi
When I was a child, I wanted to be Vincent Van Gogh.

Oh, you wanted to be a revolutionary artist, whose paintings sold for millions?

No, I wanted to be supported by my hard-working sibling while I engaged in my useless hobby.

I mean, yes, the previous one is great, but I didn't believe it was possible for me, as it wasn't even possible for Van Gogh while he was alive.
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